Even the question mark at the end of this post’s title signifies how I feel daily. Confusion as to what I will be doing with my life. I guess you can say I’m having a mid-life crisis during the last year of “teenager-ness.” No longer will I have that net of using the excuse of being young for the mistakes I make. It’s scary. A student in an Ivy League college. I should have every reason for feeling secure yet I feel so skeptical of my future happiness.
Being in school is easy versus being thrusted back into painful reality. In the real word, you create your own purpose. In school, at least it’s vaguely mapped out for you. The end goal is to obviously do well in classes and, if possible, take leadership positions in campus organizations. That’s what it felt like after my 4-years in a specialized NYC high school, but there, these purposes were amped up due to competition from other students hoping their 4-years of slaving away and losing hours of sleep, and inches in growth as my parents would always complain, would reward them with acceptance into a well-known college. Maybe I just don’t like freedom. What an ironic thing to say on 4th of July.
I found the above image while waiting for a bus by the LIE. Students Become Slaves. Maybe we become slaves when we are too comfortable with the security school provides as in goals. When we are boxed in to believe that only a certain path leads to success.
Let’s stop before I continue my rambling…
This blog started with my quest to see if I can include food in my future. It would be totally awesome if I could be a chef of a successful restaurant… But the parents probably wouldn’t be very happy with that after they worked so hard in a take-out Chinese restaurant that my family owned. Also… I don’t really cook.
Ironically, I can spend hours watching YouTube videos of people teaching how to cook or travelers sampling different states or country’s foods. I check to see if Sorted Food has a new video each day; it’s pretty much a daily ritual once I hop onto YouTube. Last summer I visually fed off the food adventures in Man v. Food as I wished I could travel and taste all those disgustingly delicious foods. The host, Adam Richman, was my secret imaginary ulter ego. Even Epic Meal Time secretly satisfied the glutton inside me, but soon I stopped after it became too repetitive and I could very much get a heart attack after watching them repeat “bacon, Bacon, BACON!” I used to also watch Food Network, but my parents decided it was better to have only Chinese channels so YouTube became my sole supplier of all food videos.
I also love to eat food, which may explain my plumpish figure. You can read about my musings over my body in an essay that was published on Thick Dumpling Skin after Lisa Lee visited my college. There you’ll learn my name if you feel motivated enough to click on it and read through it. Along with eating, I am the stereotypical Asian who takes picture of my food and then posts it on Instagram.
This blog will create a purpose for me, trivial as it seems, to just learn how to cook. Instead of just watching YouTube cooking videos and letting it go to waste by sitting on my butt and doing nothing, I will actually follow through. I will follow the recipes and compare my results with theirs. Maybe I’m just being a copycat of what Julie Powell did. I heard about her after watching the movie Julie & Julia.
There are 2 paths for this blog. Either I actually follow through with the goal I set for myself and soon can cook without having to rely on recipes… or this will be my last post and this blog will figuratively collect dust in the digital world.
Join me on this adventure (or failure) and let’s hope for the best.
(Insert catchy end-phrase)